Hiccups of Hermione
by Radical.2
Summary: When Hermione gets hiccups, suddenly everyone acts all weird, and then her hiccups don't even stop. While she is bewildered and on one tells her anything, somone finally does, with fatal consequences.
1. The Beginning

**Hey people! I decided to revise this story, because I've gotten a lot of reviews saying it needed more detail, so here we go again!**

**I'm changing it to first person, though, so when I'm working on this it'll probably get all messed up, but bare with me.**

**J. K. Rowling owns Harry Potter, and if you didn't already know that you're an idiot, no offense.**

They started at lunchtime, in the Great Hall.

I was sitting across from Harry and Ron, at the Gryffindor table, next Ginny and some other girl.

It was just your average day, nothing much had happened. Nothing worth spending too much time to think about.

I was drinking pumpkin juice when I first hiccuped, and it was a bit loud. The first one came out with _Hicc! _

Harry, Ron, and Ginny turned to stare at me with slightly widened eyes, and it was almost scary looking.

Why were they doing this? I had no idea at the time.

"Mione, are you okay?" asked Harry, still looking shocked.

If only I knew.

"Of course, Harry, they're only hiccups. What's gotten into you three?" I asked hesitantly. Did I even want to know?

Could this be some twisted practical joke engineered by Fred and George?

And then I hiccuped again.

It was as if they all had a secret, and this was a game to see how long it would take before I found out.

"Nothing," he stuttered, then threw himself into another conversation, "Hey Ron, ready for the Quidditch match this Saturday?"

"What? Oh, yeah, of course," replied Ron. He gave me an almost acusing glance before continuing talking to Harry.

I hastily got up, saying, "I have to get my Arithmancy textbook, I left it in the common room."

"See you later," said Ginny, andi I almost believed her casual tone. _Almost_.

What was going on with them, wondered, hiccuping again.

Why couldn't I be one of those people with quieter hiccups? If only there was a spell for this!

But maybe there was! I summoned my textbook and raced to the library. I had a half hour until her next class, and there was no way that I would waste it.

"Ow!" I cried when I ran smack into someone as I turned the last corner.

I was almost there, and _now _I had to run into someone!

"I'm so sorry- nevermind," I said quickly, when I saw who it was.

Draco Malfoy.

Why was he always there, I wondered absentmindedly. Not 'there', as in the library, but as in that he was always in the background wherever I went.

Though he was usually with the other Slytherins.

I spun around and walked away and I hiccuped again, this one especially loud.

"Granger?" he called, after a moment of me walking away.

Walking too slowly, hoping that he would do as he had done.

I stopped, but didn't turn around. No need to look like I had wanted this.

"What, Malfoy?" I said in an exasperated tone.

"Are you okay?"

This time I did turn, and not only that.

I walked up to him and demanded, "Of course I am, you slimy git! Why are you even asking that?" and hiccuped again.

What was going on? What was wrong with everybody?

Time for the hiccups to end now, I thought to myself. Come on, I mentally groaned as I hiccuped yet again.

"You're hiccuping," he said blankly.

"Obviously," I sneered. I felt almost like a Slytherin at that moment.

As I stubbornly walked away, he started to follow me, so I ran as fast as I could to the infirmary, slipping through the entrance.

"What is it, my dear?" asked Madam Pomfrey, coming up to me with a friendly smile

Breathing heavily, I hiccuped again.

I was about to offer an explanation to leave when Madam Pomfrey said, "Oh my. Oh my goodness."

What _now_?


	2. The Infirmary

What _now_?

Then I realized the truth.

I must have something on my face! Lettuce in my teeth, or a bit of ketchup on my cheek!

But if that was it, then what could explain how everyone was acting?

Madam Pomfrey was giving me this cross between a sympathetic smile and an alarmed expression, complete with widened eyes, of course.

She asked me, "Are you sure you want to know?"

Of course I did, how could I not? This was why I had come!

But what if it was bad? A dark secret? A deep, dark secret?

"I think so...," I said uncertainly. "Can I get back to you? I have to get to class."

Excuses, excuses, I chastised myself.

"Of course," the nurse responded, a bit relieved, it seemed. She winced as I hiccuped again.

_Why_?

That was her question of the day, I thought wryly as O headed off to my Arithmancy class, still hiccuping every few moments.

For the first time in weeks- maybe months...or years...or just for the first time- I didn't take notes.

I knew that I would be doomed to be working on homework late tonight, but I was too occupied with her own thoughts to care.

Why had they looked at me like that? Even Madam Pomfrey had been frightened!

I had checked, and there was nothing obviously wrong with my appearance.

I had had a feeling that that was a desperate hope, anyways.

And even Malfoy had been shocked! Malfoy!

The world must be coming to an end, I thought wryly, smiling to myself.

"Ms. Granger?" asked Professor Vector. "The answer?"

I jumped and said, "I'm sorry, Professor, what was the question?"

He shook his head sadly, "Mr. Malfoy?"

Malfoy was in this class?

As he answered the question, I watched him.

For some strange reason, I thought that his voice had a nice tone.

The world had officially ended, I thought.

But not wryly. Grimly.


	3. The Search

During dinner in the Great Hall, I watched Hermione.

I didn't like her, not like that. Not in any way at all.

I was watching her because Ithought she had Singultitus.

That was a disease.

Witches and wizards rarely got muggle diseases, one of my cousins who worked at St. Mungo's had told me that.

When they did, it wasn't something to take lightly.

Muggles could get rid of hiccups by holding their breath or drinking water, but it didn't matter, because they always went away.

There were two ways for Hermione's hiccups to be gone.

One would be impossible.

And the other would be complete insanity.

And I did not want to think of that, not at all.

Because that would never happen.

Ever.

...

I didn't waste time. I stuffed an apple from dinner in her bag and left the Great Hall before some students even walked in.

Heading straight to the- as usual- uninhabited medical section of the library, I wondered by a certain blond male had been staring at her during my brief appearance at dinner.

A certain blonde boy that just happened to be named Draco Malfoy.

His probing, icy eyes were starting to scare me.

Searching through different titles, I found a few that looked promising. However, after an hour of looking through books for anything at all on hiccups, I felt like giving up.

A green book on the bottom shelf caught my attention. It was faintly glowing, and I wondered why I hadn't seen it before.

I placed it on the table next to her, touching it as little as I could.

After casting a few spells to check if it was safe, I cautiously opened it to the title page.

...

I wasn't helping her, I told himself. I was just...assisting her.

If I wasn't hiding and trying to be quiet, I would have laughed at myself.

It was I who had cast the glowing charm.

At least I knew that she was being careful. I didn't want her to be injured by a hexed book.

Not that I cared about her health. This was purely to save the Slytherins.

Of course, there was another way.


	4. The Staring

The title was _Muggle Diseases? Or not?_

Wondering what it could mean, I turned to the table of contents. There, in alphabetical order, was a listing of various muggle illnesses.

I slowly ran my finger down the page.

Hemophilia, Herpes Simplex Encaphalitis, Hiccups!

Swiftly turning to the page it was on, I thought I heard someone breathing on the other side of the bookshelf.

Freezing in place, I hiccuped again.

So much for a low profile.

I was never much of a spy, anyways.

Casually removing a random book from the shelf, I was shocked to see a gray eye watching me through the gap.

"Malfoy?" I asked, and he hastily inserted a book on his side of the gap.

Walking to the other side, I saw him grabbing a book off the shelf.

He didn't see me.

He opened the book on a table, reading the book.

What a fake. It was a bit obvious.

"What are you doing, Malfoy?" I asked angrily.

Draco raised an eyebrow. "I would think it would be obvious that I am reading a book, Granger."

I glared at him. "I saw you."

"Really?"

What was with this annoying calm and collected attitude?

I would rather he was angry.

"Don't stare at me!"

"And how would you know that, unless you were looking at me yourself?"

Stupid nice tone of voice.

"Because I can feel you boring holes in the back of my head! What is this? Chinese Staring Torture?"I yelled.

Draco tried to be calm, but failed.

"I was only trying to help you! Get off my case!"

"Don't stare at me!"

"Fine, I'll continue with my reading," his eyes were on the book now.

I hiccuped as I walked back to her table.

"Granger," he hissed.

"What?" I asked tiredly.

"Would you stop hiccuping? You're starting to scare me!"

I hiccuped again, and laughed.

At least his reactions might cheer me up.

I could just picture his bewildered and angered expression, his storming eyes...

"My apologies, Malfoy."

I could almost see him clenching his teeth, holding back some insulting comment.

Geeting back to her book, I read:

_So you think you have hiccups? Wrong! Witches and wizards can't get muggle diseases, so you'd better prepare for something big. Contractable diseases: Singultitus._

What was that? I wondered. All there was was some brief paragraph!

At least I knew what I had now, or likely had.

Now, to find out what it was, and how to get rid of it!

Hiccup.


	5. The Explanation

Disclaimer- J.K Rowling owns all of Harry Potter and such...

Draco stormed over to her, eyes flashing.

Flashing and worried.

"Granger!" he exclaimed.

"So sorry," said Hermione sarcastically.

She hiccuped.

"Do you have any idea what's wrong with you?" he asked.

Curious and annoyed.

He was wasting his time to help a muggle-born!

The world must be coming to an end, he thought, smirking to himself.

If any of the Slytherins knew, they would have a heart attacks or faint or something.

That would be interesting.

He actually laughed out loud.

Nice one, Draco, he thought. Smooth.

"What about you? You're smiling and laughing to yourself like you're mad! The only thing wrong with my life is that you're in it!"

Ouch, that hurt. Not.

"And those annoying hiccups," added Draco.

"For once in my life, I agree with you," Hermione groaned. "This stupid book isn't telling me anything! What is Singultitus, anyways?"

She appeared to be talking to herself, but he didn't really care.

He interrupted her, "Really? Singultitus? I doubt you have it. If you did...that would be just plain scary"

Terrifying. Horrifying.

"And why would that be?" she questioned, a spark of curiosity on her face.

"Oh, my cousin told me about some poor kid who had it. Some disease that comes to you when someone casts it on you. What, do you think you have it, Granger?"

Besides, who would want to cast a spell on some mad, book-loving chick?

"How do you get rid of it? If you had it?" Hermione asked.

She looked frightened.

Draco smirked. "Well, since you don't have it, I don't think you need to know."

He knew he was being difficult, but annoying her was so much fun.

Just look at her beautiful, furious eyes.

What was he thinking?

Was he going mad too?

"That disease isn't contagious, right?" he asked.

"How should I know?"

She threw him an exasperated glance.

Draco ran out of the library, knocking several people over in the process.

He arrived at his destination.

The infirmary.


	6. The Truth

Draco's speedy gait didn't slow until he got to the infirmary.

He paused at the entrance-two wooden doors.

Did he want to know if it was contagious?

What if he actually had it?

Gasp!

What if she actually had it?

Heart attack!

It's time to face your fears, he told himself.

His feet didn't budge on the stone floor.

Be brave! Daring!

You're trying to be chivalrous for a muggle-born!

Succeed!

What was with that voice in his head that sounded like...

That sounded like a Gryffindor?

Daring, nerve, chivalry...

The Gryffin-voice.

Then what was the other one?

Satan?

Maybe the Slyther-voice.

Maybe he was going crazy!

He had to see Madam Pomfrey.

It was purely out of fear for himself that he walked in the infirmary.

But when Madam Pomfrey asked him what he needed, he found himself telling her all about Hermione.

"She has Singultitus! I'm sure of it! Is it contagious? And who could've cast it? What am I going to do? Wait, what exactly is this disease? Maybe I'm wrong! I'm wrong, right?" he exclaimed.

His expression was desperate.

And about to become heartbroken.

Madam Pomfrey recited, "Singultitus is when a witch or wizard contracts the muggle disease hiccups. It, however, does not end like their disease because of our magical blood. One way to get rid of it is...just somepotion that takes about two years to brew and is extremely painful to drink. The other way-"

"Excellent! We can use that!" Draco interrupted.

He was met with a glare before she continued, "The other way is, physically, easier. You have to kiss your worst enemy."

"Well, that's bad, because I don't think that the Dark Lord-"

"It's not necessarily You-know-who."

A cold feeling settled in the pit of his stomach like Dementor's fog.

"But I can check. I just need one of her hairs so I can cast the spell," Madam Pomfrey finished.

"But is it contagious?" he pressed.

"No."

"And who could've cast it?"

"Perhaps I could see if they left a mark..."

"And what if...I'm not exactly...I'm kind of-"

"I know that she hates you."

"Ah. Well, what if...could it be me?"

"Yes."

"I have to go to...class."

Madam Pomfrey raised an eyebrow, but dismissed him.

This is about to get interesting, he thought sarcastically.

Very interesting. 


	7. The Stalker

**As promised, an extra long chapter.**

**You're welcome.**

**And I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, there would be way more romance and humor in the books, and the director of the half blood prince would be murdered for setting the Burrow on fire.**

**Murdered by me.**

Draco had lied, of course.

If he had any excuse not to go to class, he would gratefully take it.

Besides, would Professor Binns even notice he was absent?

Of course not.

Why was he even trying to help her? he asked himself. They were just hiccups.

That would last for the rest of her life.

And possibly annoy him to death too.

He couldn't even study in the library anymore! He stayed in his dormitory, where he had no chance of studying.

If anyone asked, this was for his grades.

He needed to study, after all.

Perhaps he was mentally allergic to hiccups, and that's why they were so annoying.

He had told his friend, Blaise Zabini, about all of it, and he had suggested the most appalling thing:

_Maybe you're secretly in love with her and this is your way of helping her through a difficult time in her life. And you want to snog her, because, admit it, she's not that bad-looking. If she wasn't a Gryffindor..._

That had been when Draco had tuned out for the preservation of his mentality.

Hermione, no, Granger, had left the Great Hall in a hurry after dinner that day, so now he was stealthily stalking her through the halls, waiting for the right moment.

He probably wasn't even her worst enemy. The Dark Lord had tried to kill her best friend!

Somehow, he wasn't quite so sure that he wasn't.

He could think of a thousand times when he had insulted her and her eyes had flashed angrily, and she had stomped away, her day ruined.

All he needed was a hair.

Draco could follow her even when he couldn't see her because he could hear her continuous hiccups.

But she was running so fast that he couldn't do a summoning spell.

He had tried, but he just couldn't!

He realized where they were now.

This hall led to a dead end, didn't she know that?

Herm-Granger turned round a corner.

He chased after her, but when he did, he ran smack into her.

In a movie, she would've fallen on top of him and felt an intense attraction for him.

This was definitely not a movie.

He fell over at her feet, but she didn't even sway.

She didn't help him up, though her hand twitched as though she wanted to.

Draco swiftly got up, dusting off the light splay of dirt on his robes.

"What is it, Malfoy?" she asked coldly.

Time to regain your Slytherin pride, he thought.

"Nothing you need to know, Granger," he answered snidely.

Not calling her Hermione was like calling the sky green, he realized.

Where did that come from?

"Then why were you following me and trying to summon a lock of my hair?" she asked, slightly curiously, but mostly angrily, as usual.

Seeing his alarmed expression, Hermione continued, "I do have ears, you know. What is it?"

"Madam Pomfrey told me about the Singultitus you have, and-"

She cut him off, saying, "So _now_ you think I have it."

"Now I know that you have it. Listen, she knows the cure."

She appeared to be biting back an insult so she would get her cure.

Did she _always _want to insult him?

Probably not.

She likely wanted to murder him some days.

Or worse, torture him.

Maybe drive him mad.

She waited.

Draco continued, "The cure is that you have to snog your worst enemy. Now, I don't think that the Dark Lord will want to-"

He was once again interrupted, but not by another biting remark.

Hermione was laughing, and after a few moments tears were running down her cheeks. She dropped to the floor and just laughed, sitting and chuckling at him like he was a comedy show or something.

"What is so funny?" he asked.

"You-you thought that Voldemort was my worst enemy!" she broke off with more hysteria.

"Errr...you do know that he has tried to kill your best friend numerous times, right?"

He raised an eyebrow.

She finally calmed down, then got up.

"No, Draco, I have amnesia. Really?" she asked, a most facetious look on her face which looked odd combined with her tears and continuous smile.

"Madam Pomfrey said that you couldn't be sure it was him, and you should probably check before you go..."

"How do we check?" she asked.

Was it possible that she looked polite, if not friendly towards him?

It's only because she wants something, he reminded himself.

To get the cure.

And why did he even care?

Blaise's voice resounded in his mind.

_Maybe you're secretly in love with her and this is your way of helping her through a difficult time in her life. And you want to snog her, because, admit it, she's not that bad-looking. If she wasn't a Gryffindor..._

If she wasn't a Gryffindor, would he have liked her?

The answer seemed obvious at first.

Yes, of course.

But she was different than everyone else, and maybe it wouldn't have made a difference.

But what if it had?

What if she had been in Ravenclaw? Or even Hufflepuff?

Did she only hate him because her friends did?

Did she hate him-

"How do we check, Malfoy?" Hermione asked again.

Granger! Call her Granger! he thought frantically.

"I need one of your hairs so Madam Pomfrey can do this spell thing..." he quickly said.

"Fine."

She plucked a hair out, not even wincing, and conjured up a small vial.

She placed the hair in it.

"Will you leave me alone if I give this to you?"

No! he thought.

Then, why do you care if she's not here?

Was Blaise right?

Maybe...

"You have to come with me to see her."

She sighed, then responded, "Okay."

Draco realized that he was holding his hand out like he wanted her to take it or something.

By her bewildered glance, she had seen it too.

He hid his hand behind him like it was diseased or something.

They walked silently to the infirmary.

Well, except for her hiccups.

I admit it, thought Draco.

I don't hate Hermione Granger.

The voices in his head that he was now pretty much used to told him, you can do better than that.

I like her.

Fine, I like like her. Happy?

Just as he had reached this new mental revelation, they walked into the infirmary.

**What will happen next?**

**You'll just have to wait and find out!**

**Review!**

**I mean, I know that about 95% of you don't review.**

**Please do, oh 95%!**


	8. The Kiss

**The last chapter! I'm going to miss writing you, oh story!**

**I don't own Harry Potter.**

**But if I had a time machine and could go back to a hundred years ago, I would definitely own it.**

Madam Pomfrey was sitting on a bed, waiting for their arrival.

And now they were here.

Draco gulped at her obviously fake smile.

It was the kind she gave you before she gave you Skel-a-gro.

He couldn't bear to say that he was ready for the spell.

But Hermione was.

"I have the hair. You can do the spell now," she informed Madam Pomfrey.

The Hogwarts nurse took the vial from Hermione's quavering hand, then pulled out the stopper and put the hair on a table near the beds.

She muttered a spell, and the hair glowed bright green, then disappeared.

Draco and Hermione stared at it in shock, but Madam Pomfrey remained unfazed.

Chalk lettters appeared on the blackboard on the wall opposite them.

They were:

_Draco Lucius Malfoy._

Hermione glared at him, as if it was his fault.

Well, it kind of was.

He _had _changed.

An entire two minutes ago!

Nice, he commented on his own thoughts.

He had serious talking-to-yourself problems.

Note to self: ask Madam Pomfrey about that later.

She said, "This is a bit awkward...I'm going to step outside for a walk. Nice weather today," and hurridly walked outside.

"Soo..." Draco trailed off.

Was there something he was supposed to say?

"Errr..."

This was incredibly awkward.

Hermione jumped in, "I'm only doing this to get rid of these hiccups. I still hate you."

She leaned in, fully intending a quick peck on the lips.

He had nice eyes, she realized.

Like little gray storm-clouds.

He had a nice scent too.

Oddly enough, she didn't feel the constant urge to hit him at that moment.

It seemed more of the opposite...

They kissed passionately, completely forgetting the fact that they hated each other.

Her eyes closed when his did, and it felt so...right.

You know what I mean.

Hermione broke away after a minute.

"Errr..." Draco wasn't quite sure how to explain what had just happened.

Then, the impssible happened.

She hiccuped.

"That's impossible!" she cried.

He put his arm around her shoulders and said comfortingly, "It's okay, Hermione."

"I don't think so. _Malfoy."_

Ron Weasley stood at the entrance to the infirmary, glaring at them.

"What do you want, Ronald?" asked Hermione.

"For you to get away from that ferret!" yelled Ron.

The sound of nails scratching on a blackboard interrupted their fight.

The writing changed.

It now read:

_Ronald Bilius Weasley_

Hermione walked up to Ron.

He looked a bit relieved.

"It's a good thing I saved you 'Mione. He's a prat, you know."

Draco could only watch as she said, "Shut up, Ronald."

She kissed him on the lips, and just as he started to kiss her back, she punched him in the face.

_Crack!_

Madam Pomfrey walked in just as Hermione hit Ron.

She just smiled and told her, "I'm all good now."

Then she walked over to Draco and took his hand, still smiling.


	9. Author's Note

**Author's Note:**

**Hey people!**

**So I really like this story and don't want to stop writing it.**

**So I have an idea.**

**I'm going to write the last chapter from Ron's point of view.**

**It's gonna be fun.**

**If any of you have ideas, review.**

**-Trumparrot**


	10. Ron

Ron Weasley was looking for her.

"Harry! Have you found her yet?" he called.

"No, but I heard someone say that they'd seen her with..." Harry trailed off.

He looked slightly confused.

"With who?" demanded Ron. "Come on, mate! Give me a name!"

Harry was wondering why Ron wanted to find Hermione so badly. It was just a potions essay.

He hadn't even started his yet.

"Lavender said she saw her with Malfoy!" exclaimed Harry.

Ron burst into laughter.

"Malfoy! Wow, Harry! You almost got me for a second! Malfoy! Like Hermione would be seen with that spineless git!" Ron broke off into laughter.

Harry's voice was quiet when he said, "It's true. I saw them."

Ron chuckled, laughing less now.

"So how long will he be in the infirmary? Did she get a few punches in?"

Harry stated, in the flattest tone you could imagine, "They were walking towards the infirmary."

"They? What is 'they,' Harry? Did she take him there? Why would she-"

Harry interrupted him, saying, "They weren't fighting. They were smiling, and..."

Ron yelled, "What were they doing?"

"Laughing. They were smiling and laughing and talking."

"Why didn't you break it up?" demanded Ron, his eyes narrowing in accusation.

"Because she was happy with him," said Harry.

"She could never be happy with a prat like him! I'm going!"

"Ron! Just let her go. She'll be back-"

Ron shook his head sadly.

"No, Harry. She won't be back. She'll start spending all her time with that snake until she becomes one. Then she'll hate us, and we'll have to hate her. Right now, I'm going, with or without you."

"Well..." Harry trailed off.

Should he go with Ron?

What if Ron was right?

What if Hermione _liked _Malfoy?

He had to go. He had to to save-

"Harry!" called Ginny from the other end of the common room. "Can you come over here for a second?"

Harry grinned at a furious Ron, and said, "Sorry, mate. I guess she needs help with her potions assignment."

Ron glared at him.

"You're not even good at potions!" he called after Harry.

He was ignored.

Ron ran through the corridors as fast as he could, dodging students and professors and flying paper airplanes.

His name was yelled and chastised a hundred times.

He went on.

When he reached the double doors that were the entrance to the infirmary, he froze in pure jealousy and anger.

Through the window of the infirmary doors, he could see Draco.

Draco and Hermione.

Kissing.

Alot.

It was almost scary to watch.

It was terrifying.

Horrifying.

When they finally stopped, they were talking, it looked like.

He put one of his filthy Slytherin arms around her shoulders.

Ron stealthily opened one of the doors, coming in the infirmary.

Their backs were to him.

Draco was saying to her, "It's okay, Hermione."

Bloody hell!

Malfoy couldn't use her first name!

He was supposed to call her Granger!

Or mudblood!

Not Hermione!

"I don't think so. _Malfoy,_" said Ron angrily.

"What do you want, Ronald?" asked Hermione.

She was furious.

He could tell.

It was all Malfoy's fault.

"For you to get away from that ferret!" yelled Ron.

How dare that prat make her angry! thought Ron.

A high-pitched screeching noise resounded through the room.

On a blackboard behind him, his name was written:

_Ronald Bilius Weasley_

Hermione finally got up, and Ron sighed in relief.

"It's a good thing I saved you, 'Mione. He's a prat, you know," Ron told her affectionately.

She glared at him.

"Shut up, Ronald."

Then she kissed him, and it was amazing.

A thank you kiss!

Finally!

But she pulled away.

He was about to ask why when she socked him square in the nose.

Ron screamed just as Madam Pomfrey came through the doors.

She looked confused.

Hermione just said, "I'm all good now."

Madam Pomfrey nodded, smiling now.

Hermione was smiling too.

Then she did the unspeakable.

She walked over to that snake arce and took his hand.

They left the room together, leaving Ron to have his face taken care of.

He got a bloody nose!

I hate that guy! thought Ron.


End file.
